In 2015, inspired by one of my co-workers and my sister (who previously traveled South America in 2008 for 3 months after being deferred from her law firm), I and said sister set off to South East Asia: Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam for 3 months which was the impetus for this blog. If you’ve heard me talk about that time, I often say it feels like a dream.  Visually speaking, our daily sights were beyond anything I’d ever seen with my own eyes but it also felt like a dream in a less tangible way.  Not working for an extended period of time? No meetings or zooms? No emails?  Zero obligations? Simply… living and existing? The only daily decisions regarding food and how I’d like to spend my time that day?  Its hard to wrap your head around the concept in our productivity obsessed society, even for someone who’s done it. 

Now 8 years later, I’ve just started my second extended traveling stint.  This time, I’m in Europe.  Solo dolo.  And even though we’re in a remote working world, I am NOT working as was the case in 2015.  I arrived to Lisbon, Portugal about 3 weeks ago which is difficult to believe (I truly had to look at a calendar to verify) because it has flashed by, QUICK!  It makes me think if my time away will continue at this pace or if it’s an indicator that I truly haven’t slowed down.   I think it’s the latter.  The other day I was walking and in stark contrast with others, noticed just how fast I was walking.   We New Yorkers tend to walk with purpose; we’ve always got somewhere to be, a train to catch or someone to see.  That said – in this time of leisure, I’ve been consciously thing telling myself: GIRL, slow down!

When I’ve told people my plan to take time off, responses are often along the lines of “that’s amazing!” or “that’s so cool, good for you!” and almost always coupled with a version of, “so what will you be doing? Like, what’s your goal for this time away?”  While in Lisbon, I went to a Black in Portugal event and met a woman named Korie.  She’s from North Carolina, just dropped her second daughter off at college (I couldn’t believe she had an 18 year old… I tell you! The genes are working in our favor, Black women!) and is in between jobs.  She made the choice to come to Lisbon for a month and while talking to her, I learned that she has a dream of opening a flower shop and one of her bucket list items has been to work in the bar.  And in less than a week of being in Lisbon, she’d managed to get an apprenticeship at a local flower shop and an assisting job at a bar.  I absolutely loved that for her and admired that she made that happen for herself.

Now, don’t get me wrong, your girl is an organized, to-do list loving (anyone else get immense pleasure from crossing something off your to-do list?), goal and task oriented girlie however a few months ago, this part of me got softer.  I couldn’t identify any major goal I was working toward (egg freezing: done; buy a home: purchased; find a partner: open yet out of my control; learn something new: guitar, salsa and a very mild stint with surfing) and not having that identifiable thing was tremendously uncomfortable. I felt like a literal loose goose just kind of flapping around.  What’s funny is that in writing this, I’m realizing maybe the goal was taking this time in and of itself.  So much of life’s milestones are marked by partnership, buying a home, having the kids, getting the promotion but I wonder why this sabbatical didn’t first occur to me as a life goal.  I worked, planned and sacrificed to make this happen for me however galavanting across the pond is not one of society’s marked definers of “success”.  And what if there is no goal or expectation for this time away?  I find that having any kind of expectation is a path toward disappointment and there’s nothing I want less than to end this time with any ounce of regret or disappointment or that I didn’t achieve something.  I made the decision.  I executed.  And that’s enough for moi…for now.